castlecrashersfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:Adork303/Four Brave Champions
Part 1: The Barbarian War There were once four brave champions who lived to serve the king. They was Nog, the Orange Knight of fire, Zorafan, the Green Knight of poison, Storm, the Red Knight of lightning, and Adork, the Blue Knight of Ice. There was a grand party going on in the barracks of their home castle when the doors slammed open, a Grey Knight in its wake with an arrow wedged in his back. All four of the Knights sprung into action, drawing their weapons and flying through the now open door towards the battle raging outside. When they landed outside they saw the Evil Wizard flying on the magic crystal, now turned red from the evil magic flowing through it, with the king pointing franticly towards him and saying that. "Barbarians stole the princesses". The Knights chased the Evil Wizard until they reached a battle between a few barbarians and a Grey Knight in the shop, joining the battle. Nog noticed the shopkeeper hiding behind the counter and thought he was an idiot, until the shopkeeper sprung out behind the counter with a fishing rod in hand. Killing the last barbarian with one fell swing of his weapon. The Knights were impressed by his skill with his weapon of choice and asked him for his name. "My name is Darklord and I was a peasant until I started training here in the back room of my shop," He said as he opened a secret hatch. Storm then asked him if he would like to join them on their journey to get the crystal back and save the princesses. Darklord agreed and went to grab healing potions for everyone in the back of his shop. The group of five continued on through waves of barbarians and even a few thieves. They then heard a loud crash off in the distance, and after shaking off a few more barbarians, they saw what looked like a giant ram. As they got closer they saw that it was a giant wooden ram full of barbarian mercenaries. They hacked and slashed at it barely making a dent in the strong wood. They knew that they wouldn't be able to do anything significantly damaging to it. Just then Nog remembered back to when his father had told him something that changed his life; "Everything will burn if it's exposed to fire long enough. As long as you channel your feelings and emotions into it, you can make your fire do whatever you want it to." Nog charged his inner energy and a orange aura flowed around him. He pulled his hand back getting ready to unleash his energy on the giant wooden ram. All of Nog's companions turned their heads as they heard a howling sound. Adork jumped out of the way just in time as a giant burst of fire shot towards the beast destroying it almost immediately. Nog was congratulated for his quick thinking by everyone except for Adork. They then snuck past the sleeping barbarians and walked into the arena that the barbarians had set up. Zorafan pointed to the princesses who were attached to stakes in the ground. BOOM! the room shook, BOOM!! the room shook even more. A huge Barbarian dropped down from above. But, the booming continued. Suddenly, the enormous door was kicked in and crushed the huge Barbarian. An even HUGER Barbarian came out of the door! The group was terrified. Darklord told them he had heard that this warrior was all show and no skill. They turned to face him. He tried to punch then but missed. Darklord hit him a few times then backed away. He tried to punch again, and this time he hit Adork. Adork lay on the ground unable to gat up. Zorafan dragged Adork out of the way just in time to miss being pounded into the ground by the Barbarian Boss's huge spiked shield. Nog started to get ready to use his magic, when the Barbarian Boss took out a drink. He drank it, and then started burping up fire! Nog was right in the line of fire and got burned. Adork woke up to say "Haha! The Fire Knight is on fire!", then went unconscious again. Storm, who had been mostly inactive during the battle, jumped in front of the Barbarian Boss. The Barbarian Boss threw a right hook but Storm ducked under it. Storm backed up. He charged his inner energy and a red aura flowed around him. He pulled his hand back getting ready to unleash his energy on the Barbarian Boss. The sound of thunder came from his magic and it was so loud that it even woke up Adork, but Adork soon went back to sleep. The Barbarian Boss kept walking forward at his leisurely pace showing no immediate ill effects, despite having direct contact with static electricity hotter than the surface of the sun. Everyone else came up behind him and spammed their magic. It was no use, the Barbarian Boss's shield blocked everything. He could only be hit from the front. As the Barbarian Boss drew closer, Storm stood his ground. Everyone else was now urging him to stop and run away. Just then, two Barbarians came out of the audience and joined the fight. Nog and Darklord drew away to take care of them. Darklord had just cut off one of the Barbarians' head and Nog had stabbed the other one through the face. They both looked over at Storm, their swords still covered in blood. The Barbarian Boss stopped right in front of Storm. Storm was still attacking the Boss with lightning, so he couldn't move without first stopping his lightning. The Barbarian Boss drew his hand back for a punch, and just then, his eyes and skin melted, and his skeleton, tendons, nerves, organs, and muscles scattered themselves on the ground. Everyone congratulated storm, but felt he was a little too close to dying there. Then they heard a slight whistling sound. A huge chest fell from the sky right on top of the Barbarian Boss's remains. Nog came forward and fearfully opened it, and a big tower of gold and blue jewels rocketed to the sky. They were all sad to see the money go, and were about to leave when Nog felt something hit his head. It was a gold coin! "IT'S RAINING MONEY!" yelled Nog. This quickly woke Adork up. Adork ran around at top speed collecting all the money and didn't even give anyone else a chance to get anything. Except for the fact that Nog got one gold coin. The princess at that point then reminded them that she was still tied up. Only the Red Princess was left because the rest had been taken away during the battle. Zorafan went and cut the ropes down. Then she said, "I'm ready for a kiss..." Everyone looked at each other. They were all thinking the same thing. "Since she's the princess the king promised to you, you can have her kiss," Nog says. No one argues against it, and everyone remains friends. What seems like 5 minutes pass, and Adork says, "Uh Sto-" but Storm interrupts, "WHY ARE YOU STILL FUCKING HERE?" Part 2: Thieve's Forest The five continued past the war plains of the Barbarians until they reached the Dock. Darklord, who was good friends with the Sailor, asked if he could bring them across the sea to the Desert. "Can you give us a ride?" he asked. "Sorry, but the King set up an elaborate system so that not just anybody could cross the sea." replied the sailor, "He took my steering wheel, compass, and telescope and destroyed them. Then he created golden relics that served that purpose and modified my ship so it could only run with those relics." When the knights heard this a look of disappointment was on their faces. "Damn it!" exclaimed Darklord. "How will we get to the Evil Wizard now?" asked Storm. "If you want me to sail you over the sea, you must bring me those three relics." the sailor told them, "You guys are knights right? just ask the king to give them to you." They all nodded with approval. They want back into Barbarian territory, killing the reinforcements the Barbarians had sent after their first attack, essentially winning the war on the way. When they got to the King, he told them the relics had been stolen. "The Industrial Prince has the telescope and the The Dragon with a Sock Puppet has the steering wheel." he explained, "One of them is named George and the other one is named Philip. I forgot which is which, but who the hell cares." This was even worse news. "What about the compass?" said Nog. "Oh that thing? It's under the protection of the Blacksmith." said the King. That was at least some good news. "I needed to get some better weapons anyways if we're gonna make it all the way to Lava World. When they arrived at the Blacksmith, they found him in the middle of making a sword. He was pounding away at a red hot sword on top of an anvil. "Hey", said Nog, him being the most well acquainted with the Blacksmith, "the King sent us on a mission to defeat the Evil wizard, so we need the compass relic to cross the sea." The Blacksmith just kept banging on the anvil. "Hello? Can you help us?" said Nog, "Fine we'll find it ourselves." The group checked all over the place, but they found the compass in five seconds because it was half as tall as they were and the Blacksmith had hidden it in the bushes. "Hey!" Storm called out to the Blacksmith, "This isn't a very good hiding place!" No response. "Are you deaf?" Nog walked up to the Blacksmith and waved his hand in front of the Blacksmith's face. The blacksmith was looking down, as if he were looking carefully at the sword he was making. he made a repetitive banging sound with his hammer. Nog stepped in front of him and crouched down to see his face. "OH SHIT!" yelled Nog. "What is it!" Storm said, ready to pull out his sword and fight. "DERP EYES!" yelled out Nog. Indeed the Blacksmith's eyes were both facing outwards. Everybody in the group burst out laughing while Nog was on the floor shaking, slowly crawling away backwards, probably traumatized by some childhood event. Anyways after the group recovered from their laughter, they grabbed some new weapons and pets and set out for Thieves' Forest. "C'mon!" Zora said to Storm, "Stop staring at the Vet's tits!" They arrived at Thieves' Forest, still in a good mood. The knights found their jobs to be quite easy now that they've gotten the hang of it, so they mainly just pranced through the Thieves like ballas, while trying not to get their butts tickled by imps. Every once in a while, a thief would glitch out next to a tree, and the knights would laugh heartily until imps tickled their butts. Eventually, when they realized that it was just one imp, they decided to call it Thingashizzle. Daniel Webster tried to add the new word to his dictionary until he not only realized he'd died in 1852, but that he doesn't even exist in the Castle Crashers universe. Towards the end of the level, Adork suddenly had an epiphany at the entrance to the forest. "I just had an epiphany!" "What is it?" Nog asked. "I just realized that when you rearrange the letters in the phrase 'cars on big road make sloppy bambi for dinner,' then it spells 'pabibbilyslomp fofodar me a nosarinnardick." "WHO THE FUCK EVEN NOTICES THAT KIND OF THING?" Zorafan asked. "Shut up dumbass I'm quickscoping this noob in Halo," Nog says, "But from what I can tell, whatever the hell he just said, it probably means there's some stupid owl in the damn bush over there." "I bet my left nut there's no owl there!" replied Storm. Storm however discovered otherwise upon investigation, and reached into his left pocket, then threw a small object into the forest "Dang it, man, I searched all over the place and I had just found enough acorns to fill my right pocket, and that was the first one I found to put in my left pocket!" Immediately the owl flies into a tree, then comes back with some bananas. "Oh golly!" Zorafan said, "I love swallowing big nuts and bananas!" Darklord had grown impatient with all of the bizzare, other-worldly events that had occured within the past five minutes and said "DAMN IT GET INTO THE FOREST NOW WE'RE LOSING DAYLIGHT!" "What how long have you been here?" said Nog. "Long enough that I know what your favorite color is!" Nog replies with "Well of course you know that I'm wearing a freakin orange tunic." Upon entering the forest, an oddly-proportioned fellow in a top hat walked up to them and said "u want sum tacos" which puzzled the knights at first, and then storm said, "Yeah that sounds nice." As the man reached for his pocket, Nog, with his natural gut instincts, says "IT'S A TRAP!!!" Nog spontaneously lights his foot on fire, and kicks the strange man in the genitals, which makes the sound of water and fire making steam, and the man burns up immediately as if he were made of toilet paper. "I thought toilet paper hasn't been invented though," said Zorafan. WELL I DOUBT YOU COULD DO A BETTER JOB OF NARRATION! INTERRUPT MY STORY AGAIN, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS! And then the knight's continue their journey through the forest as missing. As the knights are being cluster fucked by the Cluster Fuck Troll Gang of Cluster Fucks, Nog says, "I have a brilliant idea!" and casts his fire at them, which causes them to fly twenty feet back, then he punches the large furry thing in the eye. In a brief moment of usefulness, and as everything seems to be going in slow motion, Zorafan shouts "FUUUUUUUUCK... DAAAAAAAAAT... SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT...!" It was as if he was trying to compensate for the lack of significance he'd had in the previous chapter, because the authors didn't give him the courtesy. He said "Hey, you stupid poop head! Did you know that your mom is a girl?" The henious insult was not well received, and in fact appeared to be in massive pain, probably because of the immense creativity of the barrage of insults that had just been mercilessly hurled at it. The monster became angry and then removed due to excessive length. And then the knights, upon exiting the abandoned mill and traveling through the huge giant river full of watery water, are greeted by a fat catfish thingy. "Hey fat catfish thingy! You look stupid today! OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!" Zorafan shouted. The fat catfish thingy died. They enter a field and encounter some bears. Zorafan says "OH GOD I CAN'T FUCKING BEAR THIS SHIT!" The bears died from immense psychological trauma as soon as the words leave his mouth. When approached by a fat bat thingy, Zorafan says "I'M SO CRAZY THAT MY FRIENDS CALL ME BATTY" The bat suffers a similar fate to the bears, but not before dropping a load on Zorafan. "Okay I've learned my lesson; I will not abuse this power anymore." Part 3: Industrial Castle Legend has it that all of the Fencers were extremely skilled fighters, and they were sought out by the industrial prince. When the Fencers agreed to work with him, he was delighted. He showed them the industrial robots he had invented to replicate their unmatched magic. Industrialists came close, but being machines, they just didn't have the same capability to have mana flowing through their bodies that the Fencers did. The reason is because the Industrialists lack the organic compounds of living things that channel mana through their body, so they're forced to rely on their own means to channel mana. However, the Fencers were still impressed by how well the Industrialists copied their work, which brought pleasure to the industrial prince. One of the Fencers however, the most powerful of them, wasn't necessarily impressed, because he thought that the prince just wanted to sell the robots for his gain, because if people would be able to buy the most powerful in the magic in the land, then they would, and that would make the Fencers less special. This Fencer, named Aicho, never really got used to the prince, nor did the prince ever get a liking for Aicho. He did however promote Aicho to second in command because he wanted the most powerful Fencer to be the leader that kept the others in check. All that really happened was he just got yelled at for the Brute's practical jokes, such as pouring grease on the walkways where the prince walked, or unplugging the Industrialists' charging cables overnight, which little did they know, would be the determining factor in the four knights' success in attacking Industrial Castle. The Industrialists were doing a full days work on half of a night's charge, which lowered their efficiency, and the Fencers were having to pick up their slack. Being a good leader, Aicho was helping them out with their work. The Industrial prince ran across the catwalk as if the devil was after him, and the alarm system began playing. "Lol, intruder. Lol, intruder. Lol, intruder." Four fencers rushed to the doorway, but having worked for six hours straight without a break, they were weary from their work. The Industrialists' batteries were about dead, and the knights were equally matched, and eventually the Fencers and Industrialists gave out. The prince entered his machine. Aicho thought Are you kidding me? That machine is so useless it wouldn't make a cat guard flinch. ''Aicho thought about that. ''Da heck is a cat guard? Aicho saw that it was either betray the prince, or be slayed by the knights himself. If he thought highly of the prince, then maybe that would've been a tough decision. Aicho used his magic on the machine. This horrified the prince because he had never seen Aicho's magic compared to the other fencers before. His magic was at least twice as powerful if not more than all of the other Fencers andIndustrialists. Zorafan, impressed by Aicho's performance, wispered to Storm "I think you've been outclassed. OOOOOOHHHH!" In just seconds the machine is completely destroyed. The prince runs onto the balcony as Aicho runs after him. The knights arrive to see the prince falling off the cliff. Adork approaches Aicho and asks "I'm assuming that you're in need of work with your employer now slain." Aicho responds, "Yes, that'd be nice to have an employer that appreciates more than my magic working for him. As previous second in command, I own this castle now, and I'm donating all the remaining Industrial Robots to the King's army, and I'm making this the new home for all the Fencers throughout the land." "Okay, that's great," Nog said, "But we need that telescope over there, so considering how it's a relic, do we have to fight you for it or what?" "Oh, that thing?" Aicho responded, "The industrial prince himself didn't even know what that thing was for. As far as I know it just appeared there randomly one day. I don't care if you take it." Part 4: Lava World Sneak Peek: "... The group goes through lava world until they meat a strange fire demon, Aichiomancer goes up to it to finish it off when it speaks. I AM THE ALL HOLY CHEESE IT FACTORY, BOW DOWN TO ME! Everyone stares at it, until a loud mechanical sound rips through the air, the fire demon falls to the floor, dead. Everyone stares at Aichiomancer, waiting for an explanation. He then mutters "I hate Cheese-Its" and walks away. ..." Part 5: Desert __NOEDITSECTION__ Category:Blog posts